The Prince of Nothing speaks

And you peons will listen.

Editors' Note: We introduce our latest blogger, the fictional Prince of Nothing. He has no kingdom to rule, only a bulging bank account fattened by laundering generations of dubious fortunes through his family's investment banks. Convinced that he has a special bloodline descended from ancient rulers, he embraces his delusion of superiority and infallible wisdom. He is adored by sycophants and full of arrogant musings on how lowlifes ought to be governed.

Ukrainians must stop fighting and negotiate their surrender

Ukrainians keep fighting against Russia’s invasion even though they have no chance. By doing so, they threaten to ruin the global economy with their idealistic notions of freedom, democracy, and national survival. But are they really a sovereign nation? Many debate this concept. Few are going to take the side of poor white Europeans who have no oil, gas, or money, at least compared to the Kremlin. That is the reality.

Of course, the Ukrainians made great slave laborers during World War II, not that I would know since the Kingdom of Nothing has a strict policy of neutrality. Our non-interventionist stance is based strictly on business: We need to make money from anywhere and anyone we can, like hiding Nazi assets. It is annoying that some jabber on about human rights, genocide, and crimes against humanity. There is no place for morality in this world, only money. Laws prohibiting such activity are anti-business overregulation by self-important bureaucrats.

Of course, what is happening to Ukrainians is a pity, to the extent the Prince of Nothing can get emotional about humans getting killed. Ukrainians get bombed day and night. Women and children have been killed by the thousands, men by the tens of thousands. Yet thousands of Ukrainian children get free reeducation trips to Russia. Is that so bad?

As far as Russia taking 20% of Ukrainian lands and wealth, well, less than 40 years ago, it all belonged to the Kremlin, anyway. There is something persuasive to Vladimir Putin’s notion about stealing back what was his — after all, my family once had an empire. And some of those cowering European moralists have the gall to fall in line with their American masters and talk about sanctions and confiscation of Russian assets. Thievery. And sanctions never work. I should know. The Kingdom of Nothing is devoted to helping anyone evade sanctions, for a fee, of course. Secrecy and discretion are guaranteed. Our expertise is the multilayered shell company.

Another annoyance is the constant refrain that Vladimir Putin is a dictator. He keeps winning elections by huge margins. Our so-called Western leaders are simply jealous. And anyway, why should democracy be the only form of governance? Monarchies, like mine, are superior.

Anyway, Ukraine cannot possibly win – there are too many people like me who don’t care and who want to get back to business as usual with the Kremlin, not that we ever really stopped.